My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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