The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
