If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
