Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
