I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
