That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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