Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
