Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What a dumb baby whore.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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