would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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