My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
