I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
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I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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