Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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