Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
