I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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