I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
