sarcasm needs its own font
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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