is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
