when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
