The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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