Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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