The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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