I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
