wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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