i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
