I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
