Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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