Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
