I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
