You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
