I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
