I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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