I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
