Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
