i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
