dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i think i just naturally attract stoners
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
