It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
