I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
love makes seman taste better
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
