Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
