I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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