I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
