Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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