i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
