Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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