you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
