you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
