I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
