Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
