it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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