Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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