How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
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Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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