the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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