I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
