i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
