I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
