8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
