Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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