CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
