We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
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Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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