She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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