Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
