I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
