He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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