I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
