dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
