just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
