This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
