ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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