If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
