Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
