First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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