This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
