yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
