New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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