& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
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All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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