i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
