It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
