but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
